I was reading a comment on my post yesterday and the last line stood out at me. “Our default response is to maintain our norm, even if we know we’re doing the wrong things.” It made me think of the saying “comfort in our misery”.
It brought me back to an “Ah Ha” moment I had when I was newly stationed at RAF Lakenheath, England. I had just moved from Germany to England. My assignment in Germany had been wonderful, but I had gone through a divorce mid-way through the assignment and it had been pretty rough.
Scroll ahead to England. I had been there about 4-5 months and still adjusting to my new life, new people, new job…new everything. Needless to say my stress level was a little high with all the adjustment. I was venting to a friend…and had been venting to this friend for about a week on the same issues with the same people. (It was probably getting a wee bit old.) Out of the blue, in the middle of one of my ridiculous tirades my friend blurts out “Well you have done a great job renaming every person there!” Huh? What an odd comment. I didn’t understand it at all.
It took me about a week to digest that statement. But after a lot of mulling it hit me one night at work…I was trying to recreate the environment I had just left at Ramstein. My comments were frequently statements such as…”She acts just like so and so” or “He makes the same comments like so and so.” Even though the environment I had left in Germany was by far healthy, it was familiar to me. I felt I would have some control if I could just recreate what I was used to…even if that environment was unhealthy.
How many of you have (or still are) living in a comfort of misery?
Do you feel it is much easier to stay in that comfort zone, even though you may be well aware that there is a better way? Are you a smoker that has health problems from it, but choose to continue to smoke? Are you food/alcohol/drug addicted and find it is easier to just feed the habit then to try to change? Do you have health problems that could be mitigated or even cured if you just got off the couch and walked, but choose to eat favorite junk food/soda/processed food instead? Are you unable to get on the floor and play with your children because of your health issues, but choose to do nothing to remedy the situation? Do you choose to just take medication for your hypertension/diabetes/insomnia/(fill in with any health issue) instead of trying embrace a healthier lifestyle to get off of the medications?
Do you choose to feed your kids junk food, knowing it is causing poor concentration/weight gain, just because you have an addiction to it and it’s easier than trying to introduce healthier choices?
There is a theme in the above paragraph. Do you see it? It is one little word, “choose”. We all have the choice to make our environment exactly like we want it to be. Is it easy? All at once…heck no! But if we can break it down into baby steps it becomes tangible.
One of my favorite quotes is from “The Road Less Traveled” by Robert Frost, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.”
So, share with us…what is/was your “comfort of misery”? Are you currently on your “road less traveled”? If not, what will it take for you to do it? Remember, the best choice may not be the easiest path, but it is by far the most rewarding.
Wow. This is fantastic.
Change is hard. It’s “not comfortable.” I’ve seen it over and over again – in institutions, in people, in myself.
It’s a constant battle to change and I have to keep telling myself that the change is worth doing.
For a long time I considered running as Mark Twain considered golf – “A good walk spoiled.”
Then I read “Born to Run” and realized that there is joy in running. Look at little kids running and playing. They’re full of JOY. And I started to enjoy running.
But – I still have to keep reminding myself to channel my inner child and enjoy.
Change is hard.
I agree, change is hard. Sometimes what’s even harder is imagining what that change would look or feel like. I have a quote hanging up at work and it says the following.
“When you’re trying to motivate yourself, appreciate the fact that you’re even thinking about making a change. And as you move forward, allow yourself to be good enough.” Alice Domar
I love this quote and I often send it to my clients in a notecard after we’ve had a particularly tough coaching call. They love it! One woman told me that she’s been overweight her entire life and tired of everyone telling her that she was fat and that she had to loose weight in order to be healthy and live longer. She told me, “You think I don’t know that? I get up every morning and look at myself in the mirror, try and fit into my clothes, and go about my day exhausted and embarrassed. I’m always aware of how big I am and what I need to do about it.”
That conversation hit home with me and I started to wonder about the origin of wanting to change. Clearly this woman wanted to change, but could she imagine what that would be like. Our next call, we talked about her “wellness vision.” I wanted her to imagine what it was like to be at her goal weight. We talked about what she would feel like, look like, wear, eat, do for fun, etc… She became passionate and at one point even started crying. For a few minutes she was free from all of the negativity that she felt towards herself and all of the negativity she felt coming from other people.
My point is this… If we can see past our misery and into our “wellness” future, I believe that old habits start to melt away and new healthier ones can sprout. Once we imagine ourselves in a different place, only then can we figure out how to get there.
Wow Donna I have to say this was a wonderful story, and unfortunately I have to say I am in a rut I feel miserable yet I keep feeding the problem and I have gained all my weight back and then some; however, I like what you wrote about taking small steps to make it more tangible and being thankful I have working legs. this blog has inspired me to want to do good, and donna I wish you were still here you are the best personal trainer ever, But in the mean time keep on blogging I really enjoy reading what you say.
Tiffa, thank you for sharing! You were one if my best clients. So you’ve had a set back…it’s okay. It’s what you do now that is important. One change at a time…that is all we did when I trained you. I know you will get back to it! Just start with a walk…
I am going to take small steps that way it is more acheivable, but I am truly enjoying your blogs just keep it up and thanks for the encouraging words.